Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
