i don't like sucking hair
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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