I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
