6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
