so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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