my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
