nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
