I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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