I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
