I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
