Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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