remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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