Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
