Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
