Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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