I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
