omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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