We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My vagina is officially offended.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
