I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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