They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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