do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
