Pappa wants mamma naked
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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