I looked at my own cervix.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
