I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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