I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
