he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
