She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
