He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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