Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Green mimosas i think yes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
