I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
