I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
