All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
