when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Couch. On fire.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
