im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
