Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
two words...techno handjob
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
