This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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