I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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