I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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