I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
