Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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