It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Found the puke drawer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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