She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
