my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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