Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
