Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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