return my video game
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
