u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
