I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
