Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
