I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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