my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
