She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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