had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize