Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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