I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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