whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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