I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
