u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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