Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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