how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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