You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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