i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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