I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
