party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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