I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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