you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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