a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He has the fingertips of a God
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