my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
