But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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