I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
