My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
