When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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