Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
