I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize