This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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