i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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