Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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