is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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