Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
