Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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